OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
