I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize