Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
