What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
