I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
