you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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