Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
