i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My ATM looks so different sober.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize