He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
