But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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