I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
