I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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