Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
