Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
