I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
