so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
