I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
