She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
