So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize