11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
