I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
soo... how was my night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
