You smell like stripper and shame
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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