I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
