He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
