I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
