Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
