I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize