It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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