she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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