Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
