I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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