I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
