I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
