my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize