drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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