Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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