I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
