I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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