i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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