Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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