I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
