she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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