a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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