is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ttyl tear gas
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
