My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
