i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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