So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
