i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
smell my finger.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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