I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
