I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it's like iHOP with fire
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
