Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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