Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
