You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
