only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
