Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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