when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
