Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hippo gnu deer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize