our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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