Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
