i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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