i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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