I cockslap morals
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize