i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
