I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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