thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
