and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
