I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
