found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize