I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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