Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
