addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
